Children’s tantrums: what to do with them?
Children sometimes throw tantrums: they fall to the floor, bang their hands and feet, destroy everything around. Where does this come from and what to do about it?
It is sometimes said that the hysteria of children is always a reaction to an adult, an answer to the fact that there is something terribly wrong in the relationship between an adult and a child. This is not entirely true, it is some exaggeration of the role of an adult.
A child is a creature not only reacting, not responding to one or another, correct or not, adult behavior. Thank God, children are very active, leading their game and policies towards adults. See →
Children’s tantrums have many roots, this is not only and not always a reaction to the erroneous behavior of an adult. Disobedience and tantrums are age-related symptoms, sometimes they are signals that the child is tired or sick, and most often it is a child checking his or her parental stability, a test of strength: “Is it possible, parents, not to obey you?”. Usually, children start having tantrums by peeping at how other children do it, after which they try tantrum on their parents. If the parents allow the tantrum in fact and reinforce it with their actions, the child begins to actively use the tantrum.
The story from the reader: Daughters are 4 years old, she got sick, the temperature is below 40. I need to give her a pill, she doesn’t: she spits out the pill, yells, if we try to put the pill in her mouth by force, she practically vomits. We fought with her for almost three hours, but I didn’t lag behind … When we were both exhausted and she realized that I wouldn’t leave behind anyway, she suddenly calmed down and clearly asked: “And if I eat a pill, what will it be for me ? ”
How to deal with tantrums and where to get the nerves to withstand the crying of the child? The answers are simple: do not allow tantrums from the very beginning. Remember that hysteria is an emotion, and this, in turn, is only a signal to key people in order to convey information to them. On the other hand, tell the child how to achieve his goal without crying, namely, teach him to make a request.
Magic formula: “When you cry and scream, I don’t understand you. Tell me calmly, what do you want?”
If the child was able to stop crying and asked you to calmly, if possible, meet him, the correct actions of the child should be rewarded. It is important that if a healthy child receives everything that he really needs, he requires less of what he just wants.
Mom’s report: my daughter is 2 years old. He sits at his table and does something there. Everyone else is at the common table. Suddenly she begins to yell sharply and loudly. At first I can’t understand what she needs, she speaks badly. Then I make out the words: “I want to paint.” I mean to draw with a brush. I look at her carefully and say: “Come to me and calmly explain what you need.” Fits already without a scream, but very quietly: “I want to touch.” I answer: “Take a glass and go get water.” I went for water, the issue is resolved.
How you specifically respond in one particular situation is not important at all. A quick response can be almost anything, it is of little importance in comparison with your system of behavior, the system of your relationship with the child. If you know how to raise a child in principle, you can once allow yourself both untimely gentleness and unjustified rigidity. Everything is not scary if your main line of education is the right one.
The main rule: “You are the main”. Mom, you are also the main one! Do not get fooled by tantrums. Control the child, do not let the child control you.
If you need to go about your business, and the child yells and does not want to let you go – go about your business. The child will cry, maybe even scream – no one has died from this yet. It is not harmful to health, rather it develops the baby’s breathing room and makes it more resilient. If he does not want to wash himself (to dress, go for a walk), but he needs to wash (to get dressed, go for a walk) – wash him, dress him, send him for a walk, and his protests are his choice and his amusement.
The best parent is a strong parent, using his power to take care of the child, and knowing that it is right.
Watch an excerpt from the film “Who Made the Miracle”. It is based on the real story of the remarkable scientist Helen Keller, who, in early childhood, having survived the disease, lost her hearing and eyesight. She also became a little tyrant. New teacher, Annie Sullivan decides to give her a fight. Get ready – it’s a difficult story.
Follow the General Rule, but do not go against yourself. If, while fulfilling the Rule, you doubt your own rightness, all the more – you internally consider yourself a monster, a “disgusting mother”, and a “moral freak” (option — they tell you this, and you feel some truth in it), then when then you can not rest. Fanaticism is not necessary, exceptions are possible when you can not rest and look for more flexible options.
Once you can sit with your child when he does not let you go, it hardly takes more than 15 minutes, and after that he will let you go. If he does not want to wash himself (to dress, go for a walk) – do not bother him, no one has died from this yet.