Adolescence: what should parents do?
Adolescence … To pass it, you have to sweat a lot for both parents and children – all the more so since they no longer like to be considered children. The main thing you need to understand is that your children have not stopped loving you and have not become worse, they just have hormonal changes that change their moods and desires. And sometimes the brains turn off for a while …
And it is necessary to survive.
As for practical tips, then:
1. Do not lecture
If you spent the first 60 seconds of the conversation reading the notations “And here I am at your age,” then you can continue. The child’s attention turns off after one minute.
2. Do not blame
Do not start the sentence with a charge. Instead: “You didn’t do your homework again!”, Say: “It frustrates me that you are postponing your studies to the last place.”
3. Speak between cases
It’s hard to expect a 15-year-old daughter to be frank when you look at her. Better ask her to help make dinner, and talk while slicing vegetables. Speak as if from outside while walking, or when driving. No one likes it when they try to try something out, and that’s how the teenager perceives questions “forehead”. The phrase “Sit down, I want to talk with you” causes natural alertness.
4. Master new technologies
It’s no secret that writing is often easier than saying. Try sending a couple of comic messages to the chat, and then ask how things are at school. See that the story will be more detailed than with verbal communication.
5. Separate interests
Their books, music, clothing style, sport. All this may seem unusual and strange to you. However, if you at least try to learn more about the hobbies of the child, and show your awareness, then earn respect.
6. Do not be afraid to praise
Often, parents find that praise is only needed for excellent grades. However, adolescents need approval in all their affairs. Does his son play computer games on the net or is engaged in historical reconstruction? Be interested in success and praise. Of course, it is advisable to first master the terminology if the hobby is quite unusual.
7. Never say never
Avoid the categorical words “always” and “never”. The charge “You never tell me anything” you reject the very attempt to talk. And, claiming “I always know that you feel better” – just be disingenuous.
8. A scream is not an argument
Do not think that your arguments raised in tone will become more weighty. The teenager will perceive this as your breakdown and his innocence: “If mom screams, then nothing more remains for her.” Believe me, said in a calm voice, “I was worried about you,” a much clearer cry, “Yes, I could not get through to you for two hours!”
9. “How are you? – Fine”
The direct question is a short but not informative answer. Instead, talk about what interests you both, listen to answers, actively participate in the conversation, clarify and ask again. Seeing your indifference, the child himself will move on to topics of concern to him.
10. No panic
Do not jump to conclusions. If your son says that he is dating someone, this does not mean that you will soon become a grandmother. If the daughter says she wants to become like a popular singer, then this does not mean that she dreams of plastic surgery. In the first case, permission may be extended to extend the time of walks, in the second – a request to sign up for guitar lessons. Specify what the teenager had in mind.
11. Just about complicated
Try to spend more time together, talk more. Such communication should be pleasant to you first of all. Let your child see that you love him, and you are interested in him for who he is, not for five, or for good results in sports, but simply because he is.