Teen asks for money from parents
In a good family, teenagers have no money problems. It’s normal to sit down at dinner and consult together on how to resolve this issue. A son or daughter tells how much and what they want, in the family circle everyone thinks what is relevant and what is not, then parents give money for really necessary purchases, and for the fact that adolescents just want it, they earn money themselves.
If you want a camera with good optics – excellent, but you need to earn money for it yourself. However, in a good family here parents can help and suggest where and how a teenager is better to earn extra money.
In many families, so that there is no constant negotiations, these money issues are resolved systematically: a deal is thought out and created. For example, this: “We have an agreement about spending (for fashionistas – it concerns mainly clothes!). What I need for life – for example, the first pair of winter boots – is bought by me without further discussion. That which is not a matter of prime necessity – the fifth pair of summer boots – if you “really, really want it, then it’s given for your birthday! And what you want, but not really, then it’s bought equally for all family members when finances allow.”
When questions between loved ones are resolved in a good way, they are resolved in fairness. For example, as another reader writes to us, dad: “Will I help them with my children? Of course. But not always in the form in which they want it. A conflict can arise if my ideas about justice and my child are very different If this happens, the following options are possible: a) I convince the child of my rightness; b) The child convinces me of my rightness (if he does it correctly, without scandals and manipulations, I will be just happy); c) We are looking for an option that will suit both. ” But can it be that the parents and the teenager do not agree, as a result of which the parties diverge each at their own, dissatisfied with each other? The option “do not agree” is possible, this is normal. It only means that the argumentation of the teenager was not convincing enough. But dissatisfaction with parents is not normal, and self-respecting parents do not allow such behavior of children. If children do not like their parents, they have the right to leave them upon reaching the age of majority. But if the children live with parents who care about them, gratitude is relied on for this. But children will understand this only when they explain it to them. Whose job is this? That’s right, ours is the work of parents.
If children are accustomed from childhood that their parents owe them everything, these problems will only increase with age. Our readers write sadly about this to us: “My son is almost 16, his friends are girls, naturally (for him) – he needs money. A girl can be reduced to a movie, to a cafe, to spend any nonsense on his own. For example: there is cooked food at home – he’s not he’s eating, he says, we’ll go out with friends and go on. And so on. My husband and I work, we make good money. We explained to our son more than once that it wasn’t in our rules to give money just like that. From time to time we tried to give a certain cost to our pocket look, a reasonable amount – 500 rubles a week. “This is not money, this is nonsense” – reply son, we’ll earn it! While you study, study well, then it will be pleasant for us to provide you with entertainment (everything is clear, you yourself were young – you just want everything!). He has everything (in our opinion) – and a computer, phone, clothes – that’s all you need, but it turns out that Vasya has a phone for 500 cu, and Petya’s parents give them pocket money of 15 thousand a month, etc. “But you buy cars for yourself, but I can’t get a phone that one over there! Yes, everything is clear, it’s just that I’m not my dad, that’s the thing … “- this is the son of us. Periodically, the son works – in the summer for a month with friends, then he carried leaflets to her husband at the company (then he dropped out,” I’m like a sucker ” …), soon the system administrator will come to work for grandfather – they’ve already agreed. But the first question is how much to earn. When money comes up, they give it to a doctor, we give, it makes money like sand through fingers. And all is not enough. Consumer the attitude is very offensive … ”
When parents behave helplessly, adolescents start to reap on parents, scream and scandal with accusations: “Why did you give birth to me if you can’t provide (I’m going to buy a cell phone, or jeans are cool, or give money to the hairdresser)?” Oddly enough, stopping this pressure is actually not difficult if you follow the following points.
First: do not explain and do not make excuses. In any case, the daughter of the scandal is unlikely to be a grateful listener, no matter how logical and smooth your explanations are.
Second: demand a different tone. As the wise mother writes, “If a child needs my help, he will have to learn a different style of communication to talk with me. Why? Because if there is a scandal to get something from me … then for me it’s all the same, that I’m trying to pay for my help with counterfeit coins. Why should I accept them? In short, in this style I just don’t speak. “