A teenager wants to leave home. Parent Tips
The situation is not simple. On the one hand, something needs to be done right away, to change things as quickly as possible. On the other – are there any opportunities for this? Do parents have leverage over their child, are they ready to use their power? It happens that parents have levers of influence, but due to various circumstances they do not dare to use them, they shrug right away, they say: “No, no, we can’t take radical measures. We can’t leave him without dinner, it’s too cruel. ” The result – the children are hanging out in the streets, and what will happen to them is unknown. It can be much more cruel things than sitting once without dinner. Those who regret their children do not really care about them. If you think that the situation can be dangerous for the child – you need to insist that he does not leave the house.
Is it possible to prevent the occurrence of such situations?
And it is possible and necessary. Where does it come from that parents suddenly cease to be authority for the child? This is not connected with the transitional age; in the transitional age, relations only worsen – what was in the relationship before, is now becoming sharp and obvious. If now the children don’t listen to you in a big way, it means that before they didn’t listen to you in details. They did not listen to you, and you did not take care to become their parents. If your children don’t listen to you, let your requests slip by your ears, read the article by Nikolai Ivanovich, “Teach your child to listen and listen to you.” It details the steps in detail how to teach a child to obey his parents. It sounds, of course, not very beautiful: “we make the children obey,” but parents know that in our time they are the only ones who really raise a child and are responsible for his life. Children always obey someone, but not always obey you. If it is not parents who are raising the child, then television, the media, glossy magazines, peers are engaged in raising their children, and their influence is not always better than the influence of their parents.
If the parents are smart and wish the child well, then let the children listen to what they say. This is not only natural, but also saves everyone a lot of time and effort, instead of wrangling and lengthy proceedings about discipline, you can do more interesting things. On the other hand, it is necessary to reconsider your relationship with the child: to monitor my behavior, how honest I really am with my child, how consistent I am in what I say, how much I myself follow the principles that I tell the child. This is the parents ’personal work: to think, track, and maybe change their behavior.
I would also advise you to go directly to Dmitry Morozov with the child in a neutral environment, during the training to see what exactly is wrong, what the pain points are, to take steps towards it. Despite all his pain and anger, you need to spend more time with the child, talk more (about anything), listen more to him in the evening. We need to learn to listen to the child without immediately giving advice, to use the active listening skills that I and Daria Ryazanova give. It is the art of talking to another person without teaching all the time. And then the child knows that he is now sharing something with his mother, and then she will not remember it for 10 years, especially in some difficult situation. You need to communicate like native people.
Assuming that difficulties are associated only with transitional age: for example, a child feels that he is already an adult, while not linking adulthood to taking responsibility, but connecting it only with “adult behavior”, which may mean to him: “I go , where I want, I don’t inform anyone, I do what I want – and my parents don’t give me a decree. Mom does not report, and I will not. ” In this case, you need a conversation with a teenager that: “If you are an adult, then behave like an adult. Growing up is not only rights, but also obligations. ” Advice to parents: from the very first moments of the baby’s life, when appropriate, associate growing up with both obtaining great rights and great responsibilities. “When you get older, you can already go there and there, but at the same time we expect that you will behave like an adult. We, adults, taking care of our family, usually tell where we are going, why, and so that others do not worry, and simply because we like to share with each other, discuss something. And you can behave just like us. Not because we control you, but because we live together, we are interested in everything that happens in our family. ”
If you teach children from childhood that you are a family, that you do everything together, you will surely succeed!