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To the son of 19, sits on mum’s neck

This is a learning situation for students of the University of Practical Psychology. Imagine that a woman came to you as a consultant.

Alla, 40 years old. The husband died 6 years ago. One brings up her son Artem, who is now 19 years old. He works at two jobs, very tired. He pays his son for college and a rented apartment. The son is used to being provided by his mother, and he is not going to get a job to help financially. He says that he still won’t work in his specialty, he doesn’t like the specialty (his mother forced me to enter). He studies poorly, spends most of his time playing computer games. At the same time, there is not enough money all the time.

Alla complains that she does not know what to do with her son. After work, the forces remain only to grumble at him and read the notations that he does not perceive. She wants her son to take up the mind and become a man.

The first training task: “Etikotypes”. Comment on the situation in terms of ethotypes. What ethotypes would you attribute to Alla and Artyom? Justify your point of view.

The second training task: “Time Machine”. Imagine that scientists invented a time machine that allows you to travel 5-10-15 years ago. Client Alla comes to you with the same request, and together you go several years ago to help her change something in raising her son. Write a few recommendations (related to the topic of ethotypes) that can help Alla.

The third training task: “Conversation”. Imagine yourself in the place of Alla now. You have the opportunity to talk with your son and influence the situation. How would you organize the conversation? What would your son say? Write a small monologue based on ethotypes.

Students of the University of Practical Psychology answer
The first training task: “Etikotypes”.

Elena Kuzmina, psychologist, coach:

Artem is definitely a Parasite. He lives at the expense of his mother, both financially (mother provides) and in terms of behavior (mother chooses college). In his life he makes a mess – he doesn’t want to study, he plays computer games.

Alla is a Romantic. He wants everything to be perfect (his son became a Man), does not care about himself (works at two jobs), is dissatisfied with the situation (reads notations and complains). Alla manifests herself as an altruist – her son is more precious than herself. Very strong attachment to the son.

I want to note that both of them have a minimal personality scale, because the circle of their interaction is limited by each other, i.e. my family.

Detailed recommendations
I would suggest that Alla go together 10 years ago, at a time when her husband is still alive, and Artem is in elementary school. You can offer Alla the following recommendations:

To make a plan. To write how Alla and her husband would like to see their son in 10 years. Designate his character traits, his occupation, other features of his life. Then write what Artem is now: highlight his strengths and growth zones. Identify the areas in which you need to make efforts. In each direction, write down those actions that will help to achieve the desired result. Discuss this plan with Artyom.
To instill in the son an interest in learning. To do this, send him to circles, for the development of the necessary qualities – for example, chess, computer science, drawing, singing, dancing, young physicists / chemists, a theater club, etc. In addition, send him to the sports section, according to his interests.
To instill in the son the habit of obeying parents. For this, Alla needs to realize herself that Artyom needs her guiding hand, which only depends on herself how the son will grow up. Then, firmly and confidently develop obedience: to strive daily to complete the lessons and any other instructions of the parents.
Actively involve your son in housework. Washing dishes, cleaning up after oneself and everyone else, washing, ironing and repairing clothes, buying food – all these things a child can learn to perform efficiently. First, let him try it himself, and Alla praises him for his efforts and suggests how to do better.
Learn to give Artyom the right feedback. Instead of grumbling and reading notations, use plus-help-plus.
Engage in their own development, set a son a good example.

Paragraphs 1,2 and 3 are the main ones. They transfer Alla from the position of Romance to the position of the Creator. Using these points, she takes responsibility for the development of her son and will realize her idealistic ideas at her own expense. Point 5 also helps her move into the position of the Creator, because formulating “+ help +”, she moves from complaints to specific instructions and solutions to problems.
Paragraphs 3 and 4 transfer Artem from the position of the Parasite to the position of at least the Consumer, and in the presence of paragraph 5, to the Creator. If Artem has a habit of obeying his parents, then he will also obey himself later, will do what is necessary. Work will be in his first place – and this is the position of the Creator.

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