“Men do not cry” as a pedagogical suggestion to children
Seldom cry boys whom parents taught in a difficult situation – to act. More often, those children who do not know what to do cry.
The boy fell, hit his knee hard and sits, rubs it. – “Poor thing, how painful it is for you, go I will regret you!” – Grandmother screamed, and the child burst into tears. When they regret, I want to cry and feel poor. Women love to take care of the little and the unhappy, love to regret, but the result of such a female education is a girl, not a boy.
Watch how the children behave when they hit something painfully during the game. Do they cry? – Yes, if there is a mom nearby. If a mother or grandmother is nearby, the child cries and runs to her to regret it. If there is no mother or grandmother, if children play alone, without adults, crying sounds surprisingly rare. I hit – rubbed my knee, well whined, – ran on. Play!
The suggestion to the boys “Men do not cry” is not a ban on emotions at all, but the education of the culture and habits of the future man. Female fears “This will lead to suppression of emotions and the child will grow up without emotion” – empty. If the parents explain to the child that it is impossible to fight with iron sticks, this is not a prohibition of movements at all and this will not lead to the physical underdevelopment of the child. Our children can and should be lively and emotional, but feelings of helplessness and self-pity should hardly be the main notes in the gamut of emotional experiences of our children.
Good parents have a simple rule: “If you need help, tell me, we will help you. But if you cry, how will we help you? Stop crying and say what you would like!”. This rule establishes normal communication between children and parents, and instead of emotional pressure on parents, children begin to calmly talk to them about their problems and their desires.
Children cry not just from pain, children cry to adults to regret. Only later, over time, they begin to cry not for adults, but for themselves, they begin to feel sorry for themselves.
Psychologists taught this in a course of child psychology: “The activity, divided between an adult and a child, over time, the child becomes internalized and becomes his personal.”
Actually, why not cry if you feel like it, and they are ready to pity you? Why not cry if you are a child? Why not cry through life further, if in the model of female behavior crying when faced with the terrible and difficult is normal? Women cry because there are men next to them who will hear them and protect them. But if, at a time when it is scary and difficult, a man, instead of protecting a woman, begins to cry, the woman will remain defenseless. A woman will remain – without a man.
“Cry, cry, will be easier!” – the grandmothers tell their granddaughters: girls are undergoing normal training in the norms of female behavior. “Men do not cry,” the fathers say to their sons, so that they do not turn into a crybaby.
Moreover, as in any teaching situation, the pedagogical task should be feasible: if the situation for the boy is unexpected and too difficult, the father will remain silent in this situation and only hug the crying son. Men do not grow up immediately, it is impossible to demand everything at once. But remember about the direction – it is necessary: ”Men – do not cry.” Men should act, not worry. Men should be strong, and even their tears should once make stronger both themselves and their environment.
At the same time, you should not demand from our grandmothers that they tell their beloved granddaughters: “Stop crying, you’re a man!” – when the child cries and looks at her plaintively with pitiful eyes, the grandmother cannot say such a thing. But if a man, a father is engaged in male upbringing, he needs to be supported. I want to believe that our women are married to adequate men who can be entrusted with raising children. We will be happy if each boy has a father – a real man, from whom he himself wants to take an example. Men must be strong for women to be happy.
Of course, if the child hit painfully and burst into tears from resentment, there is nothing to worry about, this is not hysteria, and this is normal. But it’s not great. And if we plan to live to the maximum and raise our children in the same way, then no offense and no tears. Real men do not react like that, which means that boys must learn the same thing.
It is clear that age-related features must be taken into account. Up to a year, a child has only honest crying, but after a year the situation is more complicated: the child masters both instrumental and manipulative crying. If a child cries simply from pain, it is perfectly normal to hold him in his arms, in his arms he will calm down faster. If the little one wants something and cries about it, calmly ask him what he wants, even if he shows you at least with his hand or with the direction of his gaze: in a year and a half it is time for the children to learn this. And if he screams, just trying to get his way, don’t react to this or try to distract him – it’s wrong if the child gets used to commanding you.