To the twelve son: education of responsibility
After returning from the Air Force 2013, my 12-year-old son often repeated: “Positive, constructive, responsible” … True, when I asked what he put into the concepts of “constructive” and “responsibility”, I could not say anything intelligible. I had to deal with explanations. He nodded …
Six months have passed. He is already thirteen. To my surprise, he sometimes began to ask me a question: “Why did you tell me this, for what purpose?”
A few months ago, he once again made an attempt to agree on a possible option to purchase a tablet. Despite the fact that I categorically stated that I would not get him this gadget, he did not lose hope and continued to look for a gap in “my defense”. Another attempt was as follows: he will earn money as a promoter (we allow him to earn extra money – as an incentive for good grades) and buy a gadget for his earnings.
Once again, I refused him, explaining that until the age of 18, my mother and I will decide what he can own, what he can buy, what not, etc. He, of course, has the right to participate in discussions, but we have the right to “veto” if we can’t agree …
The son was upset, but did not give up. “Why do many of my peers have a tablet for a long time, but I don’t. Why why why???”
“We will allow you not only to acquire gadgets and provide more freedom in other matters if we see that you have learned to control yourself. That is, you are not controlled by your short-term “huts”: to play games on a computer, watch TV, etc. … Or “not good” – not to make a bed, not to clean the room, not to fill out a diary … When, before you do something or not, you will answer the question: why and why am I doing this or not. Then we can, as parents, allow you to make independent decisions on a wider range of issues. ”
“Good! – said the son. – It’s easy. Consider myself in control! ”
On the morning before school, we went into his bedroom with the words: “Son, are you in control of yourself? So your room is in order? ”
From this day, we consciously began to link all the tasks that the son decides with how much he controls himself. The order in the room, personal hygiene, lessons, dog care, etc. As a result, now we do not have to remind ourselves of what previously had to be repeated several times daily. But the main thing is that he is glad that now he actually considers many issues through the prism of “why” questions, what will it give him.
So recently, his son again asked me to buy him a new book, “Metro 2033” or “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.” He read them twenty or thirty. I offered him a compromise: he would read “I have the honor” to V. Pikul, and after that I would buy him “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.” He agreed. One evening, he went into my bedroom and happily announced that he had read V. Pikul’s book and asked: “You will buy me tomorrow S.T.A.L.K.E.R.” ? ” I replied that we would talk tomorrow morning on the way to school. The son was on his guard, and with the words “It looks like they cheated on me!” came out.
On the way to school, I immediately indicated that I didn’t refuse my promise, but asked to discuss at first one question, and then the decision to purchase the next “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.a.” after him. Then he asked him, as a self-controlling person, to answer the question: why would he read the book “S.T.AL.K.E.R.”, spend time on it, and I will spend the money that she would give him? He replied that reading this book would bring him pleasure. “You see, again,” hothouses “, and the benefits are zero! The books “Port Arthur”, “Honor I have”, “Les Miserables” that you read, describe real historical events and characters. If from these books you learn about the history of your country, you see examples of the heroic behavior of our compatriots, in addition, the most interesting, close to reality plots also give pleasure, then “S.T.AL.K.E.R.”, in my a look, at least an empty, useless pastime that tears you from real life. ”
After our discussion, the son said in his hearts: “How bad it is to have a psychologist dad! Another 15 minutes I wanted the book “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.”, and now I don’t want to. Okay, let’s discuss which next book I will read? ”
Nothing, so far I have to tell him, but a start has been made.